Astronomers Announce God’s Penis Will Be Visible In Night Sky For First Time In Millennia

HOUSTON—Calling it an “extraordinary, once-in-a-lifetime” celestial event, astronomers announced Tuesday that the Lord God Almighty’s penis would be visible in the night sky for the first time in a millennia. “Tonight, for the first time in over 1,000 years, the Holy Father’s divine phallus will descend from Heaven…

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